******
The ever lonely Hank Williams died too young (1953) to try his luck on the online dating service "Match.com."
But surely he would understand the millions of lonely or bored ones who try their hand in this rollicking way of meeting -- and occasionally even bedding -- the opposite sex.
It was only a matter of time before your intrepid blogger would test the waters.
To see what manner of denizen frequented the dark screens and bright lights of this international institution -- which may be almost as important as CNN.
Subscribers are some 2.8 million according to recent releases.
Match.com can best be understood through "transactional analysis."
The most basic transaction prototype encountered through personal experimentation and the testimony of women met is this:
"Sex for money."
The man, in my age group at least, lists his most valuable items: incomes, profession, homes, travel practices, retirement plans.
These are his "chips in the game."
The woman will list all the things she enjoys (for a man to join in or subsidize).
She will advertise all of her charms -- backed up by photos, protestations of morality or virtue, supplemented by smiling hints that she is still juicy, still sexual.
This constitutes her "sticker price."
His message is "here is what I can give you if you put out."
Her message is "this is what you must give if you want me to put out."
A match can ensue if assets match sticker price.
Sometimes the woman may let the man take her for a trial ride -- with only a partial down payment. Often she must first be convinced the man's assets match her sticker price
Still there are plenty of women on Match who are happy to go for a ride just to enjoy the scenery.
The man's financial assets may be less important if she likes his looks, manner, if he has compensating assets -- and if she knows he knows how to drive.
*****
"The first thing women look for is money, career, and prestige," one female source told me."First I look at his picture, then at his income," said another. "I don't bother with anything else."
*****
While this is the most basic dating paradigm, there are others.There are prosperous, even wealthy women, who do not look to men to fund them. Indeed there are men on Match.com who seek "to land" a well-monied woman.
Many men and women both profess they seek the hallowed, if elusive LTR (long term relationship).
Still many remain on Match.com for years -- dating here and there, finding a revolving door of emails, telephone calls, and perhaps even of mates.
For change and compromise are not male/female strong points (at least at my age.). So the chances of a LTR? Well the proof is in the pudding....
I have found the names of many of the same people on Match.com during this assignment as during preliminary explorations in the last ten years.
For all the talk of LTR, the name of the game is often "serial dating."
*****
It is impossible to understand the nature of Match.com without understanding the dual phenomena of addiction and trolling.
For those who are single and into online dating, there is no substitute for the juicy selection of possible choices Matchcom pushes as good possibilities in daily customized email briefings.
Every day there will be someone new to explore, to fantasize about. And who knows? Tomorrow's may be juicier than today's.
So how much energy should I put into pursuing today's if tomorrow's may be snappier?
And surely it makes sense to be emailing, telephoning, meeting more than one, because that one may be exploring five -- "playing you."
If I put too much energy into one, it is all wasted if she flies off with someone else.
And so we have the "player" phenomenon -- each man or woman hedging his/her bets, courting a half dozen partners at a time. Watching for new possibilities in each morning's Match.com email.
And if there is a real date, not to worry. Don't sweat it. Don't invest too much effort.
One can always go back to one's computer and troll the database for someone new, fresh, better.
So "trolling for fish" is one sub-paradigm for "transactional analysis."
For those who are single and into online dating, there is no substitute for the juicy selection of possible choices Matchcom pushes as good possibilities in daily customized email briefings.
Every day there will be someone new to explore, to fantasize about. And who knows? Tomorrow's may be juicier than today's.
So how much energy should I put into pursuing today's if tomorrow's may be snappier?
And surely it makes sense to be emailing, telephoning, meeting more than one, because that one may be exploring five -- "playing you."
If I put too much energy into one, it is all wasted if she flies off with someone else.
And so we have the "player" phenomenon -- each man or woman hedging his/her bets, courting a half dozen partners at a time. Watching for new possibilities in each morning's Match.com email.
And if there is a real date, not to worry. Don't sweat it. Don't invest too much effort.
One can always go back to one's computer and troll the database for someone new, fresh, better.
So "trolling for fish" is one sub-paradigm for "transactional analysis."
Trolling for Fish
Hungry for Romance
*****
While it is important to understand the fundamental sex for money paradigm, it is also important to remember other dimensions.
During this reporter's undercover investigation, he encountered many decent, very interesting people.
No, not everyone is money hungry riff raff. But truly the riff-raff are sometimes more appealing than the high toned.
One thing this reporter did uncover: money has little to do with "class."
Indeed in a decade beginning slightly before 9/11 this reporter had three Match.com generated LTR's which inadvertently resulted from earlier reporting assignments. And also had, of course, many interesting -- if platonic -- dates.
It is important to remember that a LTR going beyond short term sex also involves the matching of sticker price with buyer assets. It will most likely be much more than financial -- involving a broader satisfaction of mutual human needs.
Most are in it not to give (I already gave in a previous marriage at the office!), but to receive, to have their needs met.
Some honesty and frankly embrace the sex for money paradigm. Others live by it but seem in "denial."
Some are seeking more -- but will settle for less. Some get less than they bargained for.
Many seem in a state of high confusion -- and seem not to know what they want.
God, what's it all about?
And if the meat market miracle does not happen at once, it's out again by boat, to troll upon the high seas!!!!!
Even when in bed, it's a good idea to keep your boots on, mate.
More trolling may be ahead.
During this reporter's undercover investigation, he encountered many decent, very interesting people.
No, not everyone is money hungry riff raff. But truly the riff-raff are sometimes more appealing than the high toned.
One thing this reporter did uncover: money has little to do with "class."
*****
Many, both divorced or widowed, sincerely seek companionship -- although at my age, at least, there is enough baggage to go around.Indeed in a decade beginning slightly before 9/11 this reporter had three Match.com generated LTR's which inadvertently resulted from earlier reporting assignments. And also had, of course, many interesting -- if platonic -- dates.
It is important to remember that a LTR going beyond short term sex also involves the matching of sticker price with buyer assets. It will most likely be much more than financial -- involving a broader satisfaction of mutual human needs.
*****
Yes, many classy and decent people do join this hi-tech "meat market."Most are in it not to give (I already gave in a previous marriage at the office!), but to receive, to have their needs met.
Some honesty and frankly embrace the sex for money paradigm. Others live by it but seem in "denial."
Some are seeking more -- but will settle for less. Some get less than they bargained for.
Many seem in a state of high confusion -- and seem not to know what they want.
God, what's it all about?
And if the meat market miracle does not happen at once, it's out again by boat, to troll upon the high seas!!!!!
Even when in bed, it's a good idea to keep your boots on, mate.
More trolling may be ahead.
*****
